Although I am getting into a lot of troubles and all the things I write about these days, mentioned no words about it. I realised it last night and I find it not right. Its just not right to hide it to myself, it shouldn\’t be some kind of secret at all. So I am going to reveal my wound.
I guess it\’s people\’s tendencies to avoid topics that will hurt and bother myself. They are giving me headaches whenever I think about them, and all the results are not settled, and there are new things popping up that causes more troubles. I really fucked up a little bit. And I am trying all my best to cope with it, yet I still don\’t know where all these things are going to take me.
And the realisation of, \’if I play around, if some certain method taken, I will hurt some people, but get what I want\’, is bothering me a little. I don\’t want to be hard and mean to people, and I don\’t want to be a troublemaker, but very often, I found that I want a lot of things for myself, I do have the ability to get myself a place, and I make people take steps back so that I could ensure my own benefit.
I obviously don\’t like these side of me, and I am not really used to be someone like this, but based on what is happening lately, I think that I should have that concern. And I an not ready to face it. It might be something called growing up, might be something called being selfish, I don\’t know, and I am not ready for the answer.
That\’s my dark side, with which I keep the bright one. So, I guess, that\’s me.