I find it a problem both my friends and I have. There are too many opportunities that if we say yes to everything, it’s gonna burn us out, but when we tried to turn something down, it feels like a loss, what if it is a really nice chance?
The thoughts kept us in a loop that we can never break.
A month ago, I went to a part-time interview, which I really hesitated to go to, but it turned out to be a really good opportunity. Well-paid and comfortable working environment. But there are also times that I took on some jobs, but eventually, it turned out to be such a disaster, draining my energy and wasting my time. I never know.
There are times that I only say yes to the things that I am interested in or that I am sure that I can handle, but it is a hard fact that it is often something that was challenging to me or unfamiliar to me that brought me the greatest joy in doing them. They surprised me at first, and then they made me grow.
People all say that you have to try different things when you are young, you can afford to fail, to make mistakes, and you have a bunch of time and energy to stand up on your feet again. Nobody ever says that trying is so frustrating and tiring. It brings so much pressure, and there was a point when I felt that I had been taken on something that I really could not handle. My body is sending dangerous signals, and I am always lack of sleep.
I did break. I did fall. But I felt like I still hadn’t learned the lesson that I am supposed to learn. Yet it already hurts so much and it almost felt like seeing myself going down the same path. I have changed, I have grown, how do I know if its enough?
“You are enough,” they say, but why didn’t I feel that way? How long is it gonna take? Growing up is pain, it is experience tough stuff but still managed to get it over with and carry on the journey. Why is it so unbearable?
Just like weeks ago, I said I was gonna take more time to rest, gonna balance friends, school, work, and everything in my life. It did get better, but I didn’t feel that it’s enough, and there were always new problems coming up the way. I know I have been pessimistic, I know eventually I am going to be able to handle all the things that is coming up right now, I just want to let it out.
I am feeling a lot better. Dumping everything out. Hope I can survive this week, its been midterm.
Love.